Acceptance at different levels

In the past few weeks I have been reflecting on the concept of acceptance. I wanted to take the opportunity of this text to elaborate this idea.

One more way to think of acceptance is to think of your opposite behavioral, the impulsive solution of problems: when we come across a problem, we soon think of a solution. Note what happens in your mind when you see the problem below:

2+2 =

Simple, right? We have a problem (2+2) and a solution (4). Immediately we already think about what to do. Maybe leaving the equation up without a result generates a little discomfort. Let's keep this information.

leaving a little more complex: if you see a sink full of dirty dishes, what happens to your mind?

Perhaps discomfort is a little greater. Anyway, if you stop to plan, you can set up a step-by-step how to solve this problem. Maybe you need more than one person, or more than one day, but you can solve it with a bit of effort.

Now, think of infinitely more complex problems:

A renovation that you are expecting to finish

Unjust legal issues that you have to deal

A cancer treatment

Historical Family Problems

trauma that terrorize you to this day

Chronic or intractable diseases

The death of someone close.

Can you describe solutions to these problems? Sometimes we get involved in solving our most superficial discomfort:

If I feel pain, I can distract myself with activities

If I am afraid, I can eat to feel comfortable

If I feel angry, I can ruminate all the facts that happened until I find something that proves that I am right.

 

At some point, solving problems becomes the problem itself. When there are factors that are out of our control, in the past or in the hands of others, “ do nothing” can be a useful answer.

Of course “doing nothing” is not a behavior. We can translate it in different ways:

When we feel pain, we can accept pain and initiate physical activity to improve the quality of life. We are “doing nothing” to reduce pain at the moment.

When we are afraid, we can accept fear and not start an episode of compulsive eating but engage in useful activities for our life goals. We are “doing nothing” to reduce fear.

When we are ruminated, we can interrupt rumination and accept the discomfort of not having the answer. We are “doing nothing” to find an answer.

Acceptance may sound like a bad word, as our routine revolves around problem solving. I don't know if we should accept the dishes in the sink, treatable diseases or any prevenable questions.

The question is when we are trying to solve things out of our control (or our reaction to these things) and this is generating more problems. If I fight with people because they don't wash the dishes, I may be solving this problem and creating even bigger.