Therapy to decrease loneliness

Therapy serves to increase self-control, right? Usually, when we think of a person who needs psychological help, we have in mind someone who is excessively guided by the emotions. In this case, this person is probably difficult to make rational decisions and solve their problems. Therapy and medicines will help reduce the negative impact of emotions, align your goals and even mature psychologically.

But what if the difficulty is not that? Think of someone who can not express the emotions you feel, or that you can not approach others. Generally, hide the emotions - or be able to "swallow the cry" - persevering, fulfilling the goals at any cost, are characteristics valued in our society. We value the colleague that delivers the task before the time, offers to do the work of others and do not talk about your problems. No one likes who's "loose", right?

Not always. Think of that person who when participating in activities, is not worried about being the best and winning, but has fun just being participating. We call it open-minded. "Open mind" can be a curse for some people: "This person has fun to take advantage of my goodwill!", "If I download my guard, she will explore me even more!" Notice your reactions while reading this, and see if this applies to some relationship of your life.

Some people - both by genetic and learning inheritance - has greater risk aversion. This increases our propensity to feel fear or anxiety, which can be a good thing: we need people who worry about the future and help prepare for risks that have not yet happened. It is as counting the fable of the cicada and the ant. What the fable also counts is that - saved the differences in instincts - while the ant is worried about preparing for the future, the cicada is participating in life in society: interacting and interesting for the immediate well-being of others, dancing, Singing, playing talk outside.The ant, by devoting themselves so much to the preparation for the future, came to winter and felt that "did not do more than the obligation." His risk sensitivity did not allow her to appreciate or celebrate the results of her work. She is worried about the next season, but deep down she would like to sit and rest, as the cicada does.

In cases where there are hazardous behaviors guided by impulsivity, therapy should be a place to increase self-control. But if dangerous behaviors are guided by excess self-control - such as social isolation or excess work - it can be a place to learn to sit and rest. In order to review all the good that has already been done, and how much we can be neglecting our affiliation needs - that is, of being closely connected to those who are important to us. After all, we evolved to participate in tribes and, if we have already done enough, we can sit at the fire and share life with our companions, colleagues and loved ones.

article written by the psychologist Giovani Gatto, supervisor at CEFI CONCORE CONCORTUS.