Suffering in marital relations and integrative behavioral therapy of couples (IBCT)

Suffering in a marital relationship can arise for several reasons, involving emotional, psychological and even physical aspects. This suffering is often linked to communication difficulties, lack of connection and intimacy, very intense negative emotional reactions or even constant fights and conflicts. To better understand this situation, let's imagine the story of the fictional couple Bruna and Luan.

Bruna and Luan have been married for 12 years and have two small daughters. At the beginning of the relationship, they felt deeply connected and passionate. There were conflicts in everyday life, but the problems were set aside or solved with quick conversations, in which one of them was excusing, and life went on. However, over the years and the arrival of the daughters, the time they spent together began to decrease. The routine took over and free time was dedicated to housework and child care.

The conversations of Bruna and Luan became more about what needed to be done on a daily basis and less about one's feelings and desires. At the end of the day, both were exhausted, and the physical and emotional detachment grew. Hugs and demonstrations of affection became rare, and sex life was set aside, fueled by the overload of responsibilities and fear of rejection. Although both realized the lack of intimacy, they avoided talking about it so as not to create new conflicts.

Over time, Bruna and Luan began to see each other as partners to solve everyday problems than as a couple in love. Negative feelings of frustration, resentment and sadness began to increase, leading to more frequent disagreements. Bruna felt alone as Luan felt devalued. With this distance between them they began to question the future of the relationship.

This brief situation of Bruna and Luan shows how deficient communication is one of the factors that can lead to suffering in a relationship. When partners cannot express their feelings and needs clearly and respectfully, the misunderstandings accumulate. This can create an environment of distrust and resentment, where minor disagreements become large conflicts, making it difficult to develop the positive characteristics of the relationship.

Couples Integrative Behavioral Therapy (IBCT) offers an approach to treat marital suffering, combining behavioral modification techniques with acceptance strategies. It teaches healthy communication skills so that individuals can express their personal feelings, needs and limits with clarity and assertiveness. Active listening and emotional validation are examples of techniques that help couples listen and recognize each other's perspective.

Therapy also focuses on interrupting destructive patterns such as constant criticism, defensiveness and contempt. With the practice of new more positive behaviors, both in the couple's sessions and daily life, a more loving and healthy environment for the relationship is created.

In addition to improving communication, IBCT helps couples solve practical daily problems. Areas of specific conflict are identified such as domestic tasks or parenting, and strategy development to solve these problems collaboratively. This way, the couple can reduce stress and strengthen partnership.

Another fundamental focus of IBCT is the acceptance of individual differences. Not all differences between the couple can be resolved, and learning to deal with these differences in a healthy way is essential. This does not mean tolerate harmful behaviors, but to accept that some differences are part of any relationship. With this acceptance, couples can reduce negative feelings and live with more understanding, empathy and lightness.

Therapy can be an effective way to improve communication, resolve conflict and strengthen the bond between the couple. Assisting in building a healthy relationship that brings satisfaction to both.