In the shadows of the end of the year

Anyway came summer and, with him, end-of-year parties. Laic and Religious Celebrations group with social events, farewells and closures. For much of the population, the holidays are also arriving. It is nothing rare that also approaching planned trips all year round. So it's a time of great joy.

or is not it?

I have no intention of saying that the psychiatric office is a place that represents the overall functioning of a population. There is a bias. Still, it is interesting that we observe how people are in this special context at this time, as they can give ideas about what happens to the population.

The vast majority of people have, of course, some degree of desire for at least some of these events mentioned above. But there is ambivalence. There are also several related negative feelings.

Some of the pain mentioned are charges with the planning for the year that were not realized, distance from loved ones, longing for people who have already lost, a sense of collection with the 'being well' demanded by the world around (novels, movies, social networks, television advertisements, etc.) and the guilt of not reaching this happiness, added with the tiredness of the end of the year, financial concerns to be able to meet all these demands and, in the present moment, fear of the worsening pandemic The end of the year and carnival parties added to the new variant and fights by politics. There are others.So it is important to remember that the human being is not guided by a single emotional vector. It is more likely that several emotional vectors are present, with various directions and variable intensities, and not always what is observed is a single resulting vector. Several behavioral topographies, that is, several ways to feel, thinking and acting may be present. It is common and human ambivalence.

Now, let's stress the most important aspect: what I'm talking about is a description. It is not a problem to be solved. The complexity is a fundamental part of human experience.One patient once told me that she did not feel the slightest desire to go to the family Christmas party, but that everyone was pressing. It worked like a rule, for she thought she should actually go to the event. "This is different from a certificate to work," she told me. I wondered what, and brought that doubt to her, who could not answer me. "Would you like a certificate not to go to the Christmas party?" She accepted my proposal, and still asked to add that she should stay at home watching movies and eating ice cream. A rule was flexibilized ... or maybe only replaced by another.

A more true part of what is most important, and it is not always clear to the person what is important to her. Home and self care may seem very insulated. Make an effort to find family members can be very similar to doing something that does not want for a rule, or to please. We have to understand what is happening functionally, and if the decision is aligned with what is fundamentally more important.

"What the person you want to be would do right now?"

Memories of people who have already been major explorations in this regard. Goals left behind as well. What is nice or unpleasant in the events, and how was the financial life this year, which was now tighter? Many useful and important issues arise in these moments of conflict and a certain distress.

After all, every end is a death, and this arises a rearrangement for a reborn.

I wish everyone a brave year end and connected with what is more value.

Text written by the psychiatrist and member of the Core Contextus Emmanuel Kanter.