Facilizing the change in both you and your partner (a)

Integrative Couple Behavioral Therapy ( Integrative Behavioral Therapy- IBCT), understand that the main changes in a double therapy must be by contingencies, that is, natural, with each partner seeking Be the person who wishes to be in a marital relationship, and not what the other (a) desires it to be. Thus, much of the interventions are focused on each one to observe their own emotions, connect with their own emotional vulnerabilities, with their own triggers that trigger ducts that would not be the best to handle the conflictive situations.

The authors of this model organized a book for couples:Reconcilable differences: rebuilding your relationship by rediscovering the partner you love, without getting lost (Christensen, Doss & Jacobson, 2018),Affordable language for people to have access to psychoeducation about couple relations, as well as several exercises that can help in the reflection of marital functioning. In today's text, it follows an example on how the couple can think about changing strategies. This exercise was prepared to assist in the realization of changes in the relationship through questions for each partner (a) to reflect on their own role in this process when it does not involve complicated incompatibilities (eg personality differences, problems management) or emotional vulnerabilities ( For example sensitivities constructed during learning history, whether in the family of origin or in previous relationships):

1. Which changes I would like that my (my) partner did that make me clear and simple?
2. Is there anything about how could you reformulate your change requests to make them more successful? For example, you can make them more specific, set things to do (not things not to do), so that the understanding of the desire for change is clearer and / or less aversive?
3. Try to request these changes to your partner (a) directly and specific. Do not try to justify the changes framing them as an urgent need, using comparisons with others, or making appeal to equality or love. Just indicate how these changes would make your life easier or more satisfactory.
4. What changes my (my) partner would like me to do that are relatively clear and simple?
5. Also considers the most difficult changes you would like to be implemented. Some of the changes you want from your partner (a) Do you bring to surface incompatibilities and / or emotional vulnerabilities? Are you looking for a change in emotions that your partner (a) experiences or a change in your behavior?
6. Some changes that I would like my (my) partner (a), but I know it will be very difficult for him (she):
7. You are making some effort to create a change that broke, decreasing the chances that your partner will do what you want (for example pointing out what other couples do, threaten if you do not, make appeals to love or talk about justice)?
8. My actions that disrupt instead of facilitating this change:

   After each answer to questions, it is important to share your answers to together understand how your interaction pattern is and, thus, discover a new form, another way to go towards the changes that are actually essential for the relationship .

   References

   Christensen, A., DOS, B. D., & Jacobson, N. S. (2018). Reconcilable differences: rebuilding your relationship by rediscovering the partner you love, without getting lost (2a ed.). (M. R. S. W. Lins & M. Rozman, Translates.). New Hamburg, RS: Synopsys.
   
   Article written by the doctor in psychology, director of the facefi and member of the core Contextus, Mara Lins.