Communication with adolescent children

Adolescence is a time for the development of significant biological, psychological, emotional, physical and relational changes. In the midst of so many changes, families need to adapt to these new needs that children are living. Being a mother or father of teenage children is a complex role, requires flexibility and constant adjustments.

With the changes in the teen universe, it may seem more and more difficult communication with children. Or they respond 'aham'. Or speak, speak, speak, without being able to understand. Or often give an answer that seems so disconnected from what is passing at that moment. Or the emotional reaction can be so intense and with abrupt change that leaves us paralyzed.

In the attempt to explain what may be happening with the children, we usually enter the universe of our judgments. But before you follow this path, my invitation is so we can look at the various information that are present at that time. To achieve good communication with children we also need to pay attention to how we are. Often we are so focused on solving a pending subject or changing something we see that is wrong that we forget to look at ourselves.

Yes, we are also important part in this interaction.

How are you feeling when thinking about having this interaction? What are the thoughts that pass through your mind? Are you connected at this time? Are you stuck in past interactions? Or in expectations with the consequences? Just observe this internal information, all of them need your space. We do not need to cling to them, but we can realize how they appear.

And when we look out, what can we observe? What is walking along with this 'Aham' of his teenage son. How is the expression on your face. What is the expression with the body? Are you doing any activity? Does it seem immersed in your world of thoughts? Or when you talk without stopping? How does he or she seems to be right now? What expressions that accompany the emotions?

For example, we can look at a situation and then judge 'lazy' or can we describe what we are watching, someone who is lying down, looking at videos on the cell phone, using a shelter. To help us be attentive to different information, describe what we are observing can be a great ally.

Our previous judgments can put us in pitfalls, creating barriers to communication and excluding valuable information present at that time. Being available and attentive to the feelings, behaviors and thoughts that are present makes it possible to expand the range of information and choose, more conscious and assertive, with which information we can relate to. Good communication can give space and presence for all information.

Contrary to what some parents feel, adolescent children also want good communication.

article written by psychologist Ana Paula Domeneghini - Undergraduate PUCRS (CRP 07/23571). Specialization in progress in contextual behavioral therapies based on processes (CEFI). Specialist in individual, conjugal and family systemic therapy (CEFI). She acts as a clinical psychologist with individual, family and conjugal service. Member of the CEFI Team Contextus.

Reference

Linehan, M. M. (2018). DBT skill training: Dialectical behavioral therapy manual for the patient. Artmed publisher.