How are you feeling? - Taking care of us and taking care of others

In this year 2024, May was marked by the floods that took the state of Rio Grande do Sul. Thousands of people lost their homes, several of them could not yet return, people and animals lost their lives. All who were in hit cities were directly or indirectly impacts. It is an unprecedented catastrophe in our history. How are you being impact on this?

Yes, you! A common phenomenon that I observed during this period was many people reporting a sense of guilt. Guilt for not having their house flooded, for having piped water at home, for having material goods preserved, for not losing anyone for death in this catastrophe. Or people who have gone through some of these things I mentioned, but they also think "I can't complain about it because there are people who are worse." Do you try or experience this?

Taking perspective, expanding our vision, to recognize and validate the pain of others is very important and makes us more human, more connected and more compassionate. Wanting to take action to somehow relieve the pain of the other, whether with money, donations, time or with their work, is a very worthy movement. But it is important to remember: recognizing the pain of the other and helping it does not mean invalidating your own pain . Both pains are valid, regardless of what they are.

Validating your pain does not mean recognizing that if you had lost other things important to you, it would be impacting you differently or worse. It is not because it could be worse than sadness, fear, anger, or whatever you are feeling now make no sense. When we deny or judge our emotions and sensations, we establish a kind of internal struggle, where we notice an experience and judge ourselves for experiencing it, or trying to distract ourselves to experience another kind of sensation, which we think is more appropriate. But this only disconnects us from the other and ourselves. It's okay to want to disconnect from time to time, as if they were a brief holiday of problems, but this is not a way of living always.

Another guilt experience that I observed during this period was related to self -care or leisure activities with the presence of judgments about, for example, being practicing physical activity, watching a series or enjoying a moment with the family. "How am I going to the gym if there are people who lost everything?", "How can I watch a series now if there are people in shelters away from their homes?" Did you try or experience any of these judgments?

This moment we are living brings me a lot to the theory of mourning, because yes, we are living different types of mourning, of material goods that were lost, planned activities that were canceled, trades and companies that were closed indefinitely, loved ones and pets that died… a mourning of the city as we knew and that at that moment has several parts destroyed. Everyone we are in the cities affected is living this mourning, to a greater or lesser extent… So allow yourself to feel ! This will make you less compassionate with others, on the contrary, you will make you more connected. Because to connect with another, I need to be connected with myself.

Connecting with you will also help you understand your needs better and take care of yourself. Notice how the care cycle is being reinforced and expanding: if I take better care of me, I can also take better care of each other. On the other hand, if I only sacrifice and fail to meet my needs, either by listening to the judgments of guilt or for another reason, I end up in a state of exhaustion and getting sick. So look at yourself and welcome yourself, validate your feelings and take care that you can be compassionate with yourself and others.

For everyone here in the south, my deepest affection. May we together and united to face this difficult period, with a lot of understanding of what happens within one's own skin and with a lot of compassion.