How can we be disturbing our own therapy?

The text theme this week is somewhat delicate. The idea is that we can think a little about how some of our characteristics can disrupt our own growth in therapy. I am a therapist, but today I speak of the customer perspective.

Therapy is a place where two humans are to exchange information, show emotions, practice skills and make plans, as well as any other kind of relationship. Of course there are some special characteristics: there is a technical knowledge on the part of the therapist; There is a service provision; There are (almost always) payment, this sometimes being from third parties; There may be a time-time, life-threatening management, among other features that do not happen much in other relationships.

Considering all differences, in the therapeutic relationship can be quite similar to our other relationships:

It may be that we feel resentful by something that the therapist said, but we ended up leaving aside. We no longer establish a limit.

It may be that we need much to be heard about something completely new, and the therapist is firm in the session plan. We could not ask for something that was important.

We have not done, or we simply forget the homework. We arrived late. We needed so much help to improve these skills, but we fail to bring this as a problem.

This can be interpreted in very invalidating ways, as if we were "self -AGating". "Tough", as some old ones say. "If you needed therapy, it would be on time. He would have done the homework. I would have sought the psychiatrist to update the medicine. When you even need it, this will come from within. It's no use forcing."This can be a great shortcut - even for ourselves - to avoid problems that may be part of all our relationships.

An assumption of dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) is that we are giving the best of ourselves, and even then we need to improve. It is a presupposition because we can not prove it or refut you, but we can believe it as a pillar of our work.

Having this in mind, we can think: What problems do I have in my life that are hindering in therapy?

The answer may vary from extremes such as:

Thinking that "I am irreparable, a disaster," or think that "I am perfect, the others who must change."

Act impulsive, as in a relapse in substance use or excessive work. Or acting coldly calculated, planning to do exactly what I can "rub in the face" of who criticized me.

Thinking that "there is no care without abuse", or think that "I can not have intimacy without hurting people."

This are just a few examples, but each of us can observe that difficulties are leading to therapy, preventing our own growth. Of course it is hardly purposeful, so it's another great reason to share this with the therapist, allowing a time working team: you and the therapist against this problem.

Reference:

Chapman, A. L., & Rosenthal, M. Z. (2016). Managing Therapy-Interfering Behavior: Strategies from Dialectical Behavior Therapy. American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/14752-000

article written by psychologist Giovani Gatto, member of the core Contextus.