The power of mindfulness in interpersonal relationships

There's no way I can avoid writing about last weekend. The dear Manuella O’Connel was with us at CEFI conducting the Mindfulness in Interpersonal Relationships Workshop. It was an entire Saturday and Sunday morning full of practices. I'm sure I left different from how I entered.

Mindfulness, contrary to what many imagine, is not “emptying the mind”, but choosing, with intention, something from the internal or external world to direct attention to. This means being present in what I think, feel or what happens to me. around me, without getting attached, allowing thoughts and emotions to pass like clouds in the sky or waves in the sea.

But after all, what is this for?

Practicing mindfulness helps us to be aware of what happens within us, offering the chance to choose how to act, instead of responding on automatic pilot, with impulses that so often harm our relationships.

In contextual therapies, mindfulness is an essential tool for change. The therapist exercises presence to choose more appropriate interventions, observe the patient clearly or teach the patient to observe themselves. This stance makes mindfulness not just a technique, but a context for transformation. The new thing that the Argentine psychologist brought us was using mindfulness as a vehicle for change! In other words, using this attention in the relationship to transform the patient's relational patterns.

In this place, the therapist's attention turns to himself, to the patient and to the relationship, moment by moment. It doesn’t matter so much what is “right” or “wrong” to say, but how the other person’s words resonate with me. I learned that, if I am truly connected with that relationship, in the “Me, Here, Now”, I can capture what often cannot be said by the patient, and this enhances the intervention in a profoundly transformative way.

Sitting in front of someone with openness and presence is not easy at all. It requires the motto of FAP (Functional Analytical Therapy): Awareness, Courage and Love. When we speak from this stance, connection with others is inevitable. And how beautiful it would be if we could take this to all of our relationships, not just as therapists, but as people. This learning touched something very valuable in me: the desire for peace between people and in the world. It was because of this ideal that I chose to study journalism — I wanted to contribute to a fairer society. And, after the disappointment with the profession, psychology opened up new ways to improve people's lives, albeit on a more individual basis.

Discovering interpersonal mindfulness with Manuella made me realize that what I carry in my heart can also be present in the session. Psychotherapy does not have to be just intellectual. Marsha Linehan, creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy – DBT) already described the dialectic between the rational mind and the emotional mind, which are found in the wise mind. Being in front of others in full attention is, at the same time, challenging and transformative. It's as if each silence gained meaning, and each word finally came from the heart.

By: Viviane Grafitti