The courage that lives in each of us

courage… Throughout my life I did not have a very friendly relationship with that word. My perception of myself, the shirt I wore, is that I was a coward. Fear has always been a known companion throughout my life. This fear has already paralyzed me to the point of stop doing things I wanted because I felt he dominated me. I already felt very sad to believe that in life they would have things that “would not be for me”, that I would never be able to do for fear.

It's funny how we are creating these concepts about ourselves, and how they seem true. Then you can ask, but how wouldn't they be? Certainly we can find several facts that reinforce these concepts: the time I stopped an examination of the dentist in the middle because I was afraid to get sick, that other situation that I unchecked a trip the day before because I was afraid of what the bus trip would look like would be … Reasons abound to confirm these labels.

Along with these labels comes a series of features we use to describe ourselves. I, for example, saw myself as a person who had low tolerance for malaise and therefore could not perform actions that involved tolerate unpleasant sensations intentionally.

In 2017 I wanted to start a new group activity, something that allowed me to do some outdoor sports. My mother then suggested that I seek a racing group as I attended these criteria. There I went. The race has made me very much resignified my relationship with fear and myself. I realized through the race that I tolerate a lot more than I knew.

As I opened for this activity, I opened for many challenges that came together: the physical discomfort that sometimes appears (pain in some part of the body, nausea, dizziness), thoughts (“I can't handle ”,“ I won't make it ”,“ I'm not good enough for it ”), emotions (fear, sadness). But open me to these experiences allowed me to try very good and very important things for me: the happiness of waking up and training, of concluding proof that I challenged myself, the feeling of connection with others who share it, the satisfaction of achieving a Important goal. Perhaps the best experience that the race has provided me has been to find out that I can tolerate all these discomfort and keep me where I want to be, even with fear.

Text written by the member of the Nucleus Contextus Mariana Sanseverino Dillenburg.

Does that mean that fear left? Not even. I am very afraid in various situations of my life, including some of them I still feel this fear that comes to paralyze myself. Maybe I'm always going to have this experience, and that's fine. Because it's no longer about fear, nor about the discomfort it brings me. It is not an easy experience. But he doesn't say my life, I choose where I go and what I want to do. And fear is not my enemy, it is part of me, it also tells me important needs that I can, with compassion seek, meet.

As I thought of courage as a fearless experience, I didn't find it, today I feel brave and fear is a companion on this journey. I close this text with a saying by Nelson Mandela:

“I learned that courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not the one who is not afraid, but who conquers this fear. ”