Self -pity and self -care in romantic relationships

In the context in which we still live the old idea that one will only be happy if he has a relationship, or worse, a happy relationship. We know that what exists are partnership relationships, affection, discussions, differences, and yes, happy moments. An essential aspect is to know that the other person is not responsible for our happiness, one cannot depend on another to be well in life. Given this, Casal Integrative Behavioral Therapy (IBCT) has organized tolerance strategies, among which are self -care as a way for each person to organize moments of life that bring them satisfaction and fulfillment, so as not to overwhelm with many expectations (unreal) expectations The marital relationship, not to be in the relationship as in a posture of a child or daughter who depends totally on mother or father to survive. This destroys relationships.

A way to promote self -care is through self -pity, described as consisting of three components: benevolence with them, common humanity and full attention to what is happening within one's own skin, which thoughts, emotions and sensations awaken in the present moment. Studies show that self -pity is related to many different aspects of mental health, including as a prevention of the gravity of deep depression and anxiety (NEFF, 2011).

In experiencing anguish, people can exercise self -pity, offering goodness to oneself, seeing their own suffering as an inevitable part of the human condition, and having a balanced conscience of their negative thoughts and feelings without being too identified with these emotions, allowing a vision with perspective on what is happening. In short, Neff (2011) states that self -pity is when people comfort themselves when distressing experiences arise, while recognizing that suffering is part of humanity. Thus, self-pity can play an important role in psychological well-being and quality of life. Another study showed that individuals with self -pity tend to have relationships of trust and support with others, whether of friendships or romantic relationships, and these people had healthy behaviors, such as acting in a sympathetic way, being less controlling or aggressive with their partners .

There are several reasons why individuals with high levels of self -pity can have healthier romantic relationships: they meet their own needs in terms of kindness and self -comfort. Because of this, these individuals are able to balance independence with connection, characteristics important for healthy relationships.

Moreover, in times of difficulty, self -pity facilitates feelings of intimacy with others and provides good conflict resolution skills because of their ability to see their partners' point of view during disagreements and see their own difficulties personal not as difficult or wrong, but as part of a human being.

Tirch (2010) states that individuals with self -pity have a careful mind, a balanced response to suffering, without ruminating on the difficulty and not trying to avoid emotions. Because of their non -critical in the face of negative thoughts and emotions, individuals with high levels of self -pity may be more likely to bring the same full attention ability to resolve disagreements in their relationships.

Thus, self -care and self -pity can play an important role in creating and maintaining high quality relationships. The invitation is to take care of yourself to take care of the relationship.