Reflection with a bananas bag

the day before yesterday something interesting, it was Sunday, I was studying for the discipline that I will start giving this week. My study was surrendering, added to anxiety about the beginning of classes that made me dipped in the books at that time. I really like to teach, but it is also an activity that I charge myself a lot, because I want to deliver a good job. That day, I was sitting studying at the kitchen table, beside me, I had a banana bag that I had bought at the fair for my grandmother. My husband had loved the bananas I bought at the fair the week before and found them very sweet, so this weekend I had bought a bunch for my grandmother because I wanted to share this experience with her. But the weekend was run and I had not been able to visit her before. Now I was, one Sunday night, studying with the Bananas bag beside me. I looked at them , I thought “ I'm yielding in studies, if I follow here, I will be able to read a few more chapters today ” and my first impulse was to follow there studying and giving up the visit. This decision generated a brief relief, but then I felt a restlessness. If I didn't see my grandmother that day, maybe I would have to wait another week to see her, because with this week's super race routine, it would make it difficult to pass there. Did it worth it to stop having this moment with my grandmother to read a few more pages?

This situation let me reflect: I had a lot of work to do. At the same time, I also realized: A most of the time I have a lot of work to do! This reality is more the rule than the exception, always has texts to write, books to read, projects to organize, attendance, meetings, supervisions, and so on. I like these activities and I'm grateful to have work that provides me with satisfaction with myself and resources to have a comfortable life. And thinking about what the work gives me, it makes sense that I invest in it and want to do it well, so that it follows providing me with these benefits. However, I do not want my life to be about my work. He is an important part, but not everything and I don't want him to be everything.

As much as I have clarity, it is very easy to fall into automatic mode that I need to produce at all times and always be “ahead” a job that never ends. Going against this impulse elicits self -critical thoughts, such as " won't give time, you should be working " and a sense of fear and anxiety. However, acting to relieve fear and short -term anxiety does not lead me to a valuable life. If I do an exercise of projecting myself in the future and thinking about what I would like to have been my life, the idea of having balanced my profession with spending time with people I love, it generates much more happiness than the idea of me alone studying every weekend to “be a better professional”. So, after this reflection, I finished reading the chapter I was reading, divided the bunch of banana into two and went to visit my mother and my grandmother. That day I didn't work anymore. I'm writing this text on Monday, a day after this event, I keep having many things to do, but I don't regret my choice, I feel at peace with myself and aligned with my values. I will do my best this week in my tasks and I will radically accept my limitations in this process.  This text is not just the fulfillment of a task, it is a reminder of what is valuable in my life. I take this conscience and renew my votes with the life I want to have and invite you to do the same, whatever these values!