Take care of the other - signage, perspective and alterity

One patient reported me this week that, hungry moved, sought to prepare a fast food. He was interrupted by a close person, who intervened with promises of a superior gastronomic experience. "It's not necessary," said the patient, "I just want to eat anything quick, because I'm very hungry." This supplemental was ignored, generating removal from an intention of the other to take care.

In a joke, a colleague told me in class that I should give a compliment course. He caught my attention The fact that, in more intimate relationships, I feel that I can not always express clearly that yes, I value.So I decided to explore what made the compliments successful in that situation. A colleague said at another moment to be worried about her age. Another, looked at the camera tidying up his hair. The teacher, a person I know, sometimes fears is not being clear because he does not have Portuguese as a mother tongue. Of course, for any of these people, my opinion on subjects is decisive. But when I praised the quoted points, I believe that there is a very powerful message, "I looked at you, I heard you, I opened myself to you, and, from this opening, I used my ability to take prospect to try me by your place, see what is important to you. "

This connection search is met immediately.

Of this reflection took place another: why is it more difficult to express this type opening in intimate environments? What fear can be disturbing this opening? We are oriented by the whole culture that people who really like to know others, know what they like, what matters to them. But does this become telepaths? Does if we misunderstand what a loved person needs, it will mean for us - and for these - that we did not really hear it, that we did not give it our total attention? The fear of making mistakes and signal something different from what we would like, it seems to me, creates a shield not to risk. But with this shield comes the opposite of what we wanted - the distance. Opening the attempt will certainly come errors. But with these mistakes there will be enhancements to our skills and, moreover, the possibility of communicating with frankness, and the signaling that we want, yes, open and communicate. The error, says the saying, is the mother of the hit.

and perhaps good intentions in these cases, if accompanied by an opening to listen, be yes, enough.

It is possible to take care of the other, of course, praise it. But it is important to ask if it is what the person wants, or if you take that care is something I want. After all, when we are hungry, we are also vulnerable to irritability, and who can censor behaviors that result?

air Tigo written by psychiatrist Emmanuel Kanter.