Children need their parents happy, not necessarily together

Sometimes divorce is the best decision a couple can make for their own well-being and children. An environment where there are only fights, besides being a bad example, is not healthy for anyone, especially for children when they see their parents, the most important people of their lives, in constant conflict and being unhappy. Regarding the emotional health of the children of separate parents, they have more mental health than children who live with their parents' fights daily.

Children do not need their parents together, they need their parents well, forwarding their lives in the best way. There are many couples who are together under the pretext that they will continue together for their children. Do not do it! It is very heavy for a child to feel the responsibility of having to keep their parents' marriage. If the couple wants to be together, let the choice be conscious, even if it is for a reason like: “I can not separate, my family of origin will judge me, my spiritual belief does not accept, it is very painful…” Anything but them children “hold a marriage”.

Thousands of children experience their parents' divorce stress each year. As each child reacts will depend on their age, personality and, especially, on the specific circumstances of the separation and divorce process. If the couple is together, but badly, this will only generate uncertainties, insecurities and anguish in all. Children who witness fights among their parents and are exposed to them for a long time are prone to emotional damage and can have more aggressive behaviors, become more introvert, depressed, respond with shouts or easily bored in stressful situations. In a way they learn that the way of solving problems will always be like this: with conflict.

How to give the news about the separation?

As soon as parents are sure of their plans, it is important to talk to their children about the decision to separate. Although there is no easy way to get the news, if possible, parents should be together during this conversation. It is important to set aside feelings of anger, guilt or remorse about the marital relationship. Everyone has the right to feel any emotion, but at this time the focus should be on care for children. Before talking to children, parents should combine what will be said and can even practice with each other how they will talk about it without being very sad or angry during the conversation.

The best way is to communicate the situation to children with information on how it will be in the future, for example, two houses, moments of finding, and, if possible, prevent home departure from being intense, impulsive or with Fights, because when the kids watch those who are leaving home taking their things can be very distressed and worried about whoever leaves. It is also important for those who are leaving home explain how the way out, the new way of meeting and saying goodbye with a hug, warning when they will review again, not to generate in the child the feeling of abandonment.

Divorce is a process of mourning, no one gets married to separate, but life imposes changes and it will need time for the whole family to process everything. It is important to be aware that it will be a new adaptation period for all, parents, children, extensive family and friends.

Do you need help for this? They can seek professionals and even there are children's books that talk about this theme, in the language of the child. It is better for their children to see their parents well, because it gives them the security that even with the separate couple, the family will continue with affection, respect and conviviality among all.