Acceptance and unpleasant emotions: How Act invites us to relate to what we feel

Do you know that tightness in your chest before a difficult conversation? Or that cold in the belly just thinking about a presentation at work? And the anger that comes when you feel wronged, but don't know what to do with her?

These unpleasant emotions are part of life - and we all go through it. The difference is how we relate to these emotions. In general, suffering is not only in the presence of these emotions, but in the constant attempt to control, avoid or suppress them at any cost.

Many of our day -to -day behaviors are attempts to avoid feeling these unpleasant emotions. For example, in the face of a presentation at work, someone feels intense anxiety and, not to face discomfort, invents an excuse for not attending - and loses a chance to share something important. Or even after a failure, the person feels ashamed and isolates himself, avoiding seeking help or talking about what happened, afraid of being judged.

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we understand that this attempt at emotional control can get away from what really matters to us. Instead of trying to eliminate uncomfortable emotions, ACT proposes a different way: learning to relate more openly and flexibly to these internal experiences.

This approach starts from an important principle: feeling unpleasant emotions is part of the human condition. There is no significant life without pain. Suffering, at ACT, is not seen as something that needs to be fixed, but as something to be welcomed.

Instead of conflicting with the internal experience, the person is invited to be aware, with curiosity and compassion, of what he is feeling. The practice of acceptance involves recognizing emotion, giving it a name and allowing it to be present without fully determining behavior, as if to follow an impulse. By practicing acceptance, we take a step towards freedom of choice.

We can be afraid and yet give a lecture. We can feel sad and yet connect with someone important. We can feel angry and choose to dialogue with respect. Emotion may remain present, but it does not paralyze us. It does not eliminate pain, it changes the way we relate to it. We can direct our focus to act toward what really matters, even in the face of emotional discomfort.

This is Act's invitation: making room to feel, while engaging with actions that meet our values, what is really important in our lives. It is a path of commitment, vitality and presence in life that is significant for each one.

This text is authored by the Cefi Contextus team member -Ana Paula Domeneghini